Dear Nicolas Cage

#BEDN10

There are no words to describe my love for you, Mr Cage.

No words at all. Incredible. Flamboyant. Eccentric. Diverse. Great hair? Nothing could ever do you justice.

Over the years, I’ve witnessed a variety of Nicolas Cage compilations on the internet, full to the brim with titles such as Cage losing his shit which spotlight your emotional performances and onscreen outbursts. And I’ve always tried to defend your work because the majority of negative comments about you tend to be centred on the misconception that all you do is make ‘bad’ movies, without people taking the time to look at your career as a whole.

Yes you shout. Yes you swear. Yes you raise your hands a lot, and like to point up in the air. Yes you like to recite the alphabet aggressively and stare into someone’s face until your eyes glisten with tears. And yes you like to emphasise parts of a sentence so much so, that it sounds like it’s another language. And yes, I love it.

You see, it all started one day when dad came home with a video we just had to watch. A hillbilly soldier is on his way home from doing time in prison, when his plane full of convicts gets overtaken by said convicts, led by Sirus the damn virus (aka John Malkovich). A cop called Larkin (John Cusack) tries to help but the redneck soldier (aka you) saves the day crashing the plane into the Las Vegas strip. He’s not normally a violent man, and all he wanted was for the bad guys to put the bunny back in the box, but they just wouldn’t listen.

Bursting with action, violence, muscles, wavy hair in the wind and Leann Rimes singing the soundtrack of Conair, I knew this was the start of a special relationship.

I tend to spend my days quoting books, TV and films. And apart from childhood films like Willow, Return to Oz, anything Disney, Cool Runnings and Speed, your films are the ones I quote the most (just ask my sister).

There always seems to be a level of personal investment from you in the roles you choose, and you always manage to sneak in some Nicholas Cage-isms in the characters you portray. It might not be to everyone’s taste but I love it, and that’s all that matters. (It helped that dad liked you a lot too and he fueled my love by buying me your VHS’s. It also helps that my other half updates my collection with your DVDs. AND it turns out my mam had a thing for you way before I did. Like mother like daughter ay).

Looking at your exhaustive list of films, well the ones I’ve got, I couldn’t possibly pick out a favourite. Regardless of how one feels about your often outlandish performances, there is no doubt that you’re a darn good risk-taking actor willing to do just about anything on screen.

Your films, comedic as some of them are, (probably without meaning to be) show such a strong body of work and versatility yet some of your less geek-centric films remain underappreciated.

In Matchstick Men, not only do we see the gorgeous Sam Rockwell doing his thang, but you play a character who suffers from tics and OCD, so it’s one of those films where your over-the-top acting is suitably mannered. In Moonstruck your character has a wild tempestuous love affair with none other than Cher, and all with one arm. Adaptation is another example where your performance as overweight, balding twins Charlie and Donald highlights your ability to actually – believe it or not – act.

AND if that wasn’t enough, you’ve won many awards in your lifetime…one of them being an Oscar! Let’s all say it together people…Nicholas Cage is an Oscar winner, for his wrenching portrayal of an alcoholic screenwriter bent on drinking himself to death in Leaving Las Vegas.

You quite rightly said in an interview: “I’m at the point now where I know I’m doing something right when a movie gets mixed reviews, because then I’m not in the box… I want to try something unusual. I feel good about the bad reviews because I feel like I’ve affected them on some level. They may not know what I was trying to do but they felt something.”

So I say, keep shouting, swearing, pointing to the high heavens while screaming “NOT THE BEES!” and just be yourself.

Oh and one more thing…Marry me?