A friend no one wants

You make my sk5716692_29e103d893_oin crawl. You make me shiver. You give me temperatures of highs and lows.

You make me sweat. You make my nose run.

You give me a headache. You make my tummy hurt and my nose wheeze when I try to breathe.

I hate to be so brutally honest (I hate even using the word hate) but please can you just go away.

You stop me from going to work. You stop me from hanging out with friends and worst of all, worst of all, you make me not able to taste the foods I love. What’s up with that? Anyone that comes between me and my food isn’t a friend of mine.

But you’re not just anyone. You’re an oddball, and it’s come round to that time of year again when the oddballs come out to play. They come out and greet you on the street, on the train and places you’d least expect, like at work in the kitchen. You find them lurking in crowded places when people get uncomfortably close to you and pass one around without realising.

4046746121_07b4dd3640_bI met one last week. Ok fair enough he’s not an actual person, he be just a cold. But I’m sure we’ll all agree that a cold is never just a cold. They last longer than you expect and make you hate the world for the 2-3 days you have one. I often used to wish for a cold if I didn’t want to go into work or wanted an excuse out of something. Be careful what you wish for ay.

I wished for a cold, and got the friend with the clammy hands.

The minute they come, they latch onto you like they’re your friend, but one of those clingy types no one really wants.

And the sneezes. Oh the sneezes! Lord knows I hate sneezes. You’d think it would be the germs I didn’t like…if only it was the germs. Life would be so easy if it was the germs. But sadly it’s not.

Has anyone ever told you that if you don’t thank the person who said “Bless You” after you’ve sneezed, it causes a fairy to die. The only way of reviving said fairy is to clap your hands?

4014611539_388bacbd90_oSweet isn’t it, seeing a child clapping to keep a fairy alive. But when a 25-year old girl does it, that’s just deemed weird. This little clapping of the hands has since developed over the years, into merely tapping my thumb whenever I hear a sneeze. It’s the whole classical conditioning theory Pavlov came up with years ago. Instead of the dogs salivating and getting excited whenever they hear the bell (meaning food was on its way)…I have now been conditioned to feel hatred towards the sound of sneezing as I know the tapping of the thumb has to commence.

Sound of sneezing = lifting up hands so that the third finger on my right hand taps the tip of my left thumb.

Oh dear Lord I wish sneezes just didn’t exist. They are the bane of my life.

I could just stop the tapping, but I can’t. Sounds stupid huh.

I have this niggling feeling of dread and anxiety if I don’t fulfil this task – hence why I hate people sneezing, because I know I have to tap my thumb, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Like I said in a previous post, there isn’t even a set number of times I have to tap, I stop tapping when it feels right to stop.

Cold, cold go away come again another d…

Please don’t. I’d lie if I said it was nice being friends with you but I think we should see other people.



2 responses to “A friend no one wants

  1. Colds are the worst! They make you feel absolutely horrendous without actually being a legitimate illness. So unfair. And you have the added annoyance of the thumb tapping!! I have allergies so I sneeze all the time; it’s a good job we don’t have to be around each other haha!

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